STUMPED!

You wake up. It’s morning. The sunlight is filtered through the orange fly of your tent. Everything looks warm in this light and for a second you think: I could get used to this. You roll over and see a pile of clothes you haven’t washed in a month. The glow fades or maybe it was never there in the first place; something your imagination did to make you feel happy. To stay here all day go to [[page 2]] To start getting ready go to [[page 3]] (if:visits >= 3)[I'm done. I start flipping pages. Go to [[page 4]]]

Are you kidding me? You think you can stay in here all day? That everyone in camp will be cool with that? That Boyd will understand? Do you really want everyone to think that you can't do this? That you're lazy? That you're selflish? Is that how you want to be known in camp? You’re embarrassing yourself. You’re embarrassing Boyd. You signed up for a job. Do the job. Get out of here. Go to [[page 10]]

You exit the tent. Outside is all your planting gear. Bags. Check Shovel. Check. Boots. Check. You grab everything and walk into camp to get food and water for the day. People are playing basketball before they hop in the trucks How are they so happy? You feel anxious. You’ve been doing this for two months now and still suck. “Why do I suck?” The thought pops up naturally as you make peanut butter and jam sandwiches for the day. To stop being bad at planting go to [[page 5]] To accept that your bad at it go to [[page 6]]

“Today’s the day” The words echo through your mind “No it’s not” The echo stops. A voice cuts through it sharply. What? Fuck you, you heard me. What’s the plan? The voice in the back of your head grows louder. You wish you were back in your tent with the warm glow. Your bubble. A safe place. “I’m just going to try harder” The words are so quiet they’re barely heard in your own mind. “Prove it.” To stand up to the voice turn to [[page 9]] To runaway from the voice go to [[page 10]]

You make sandwiches. And head to the truck. You hate yourself. You hate being here. You want to quit, but you can't. Quitting is harder than staying. If you stay you do nothing, quitting takes courage. It takes standing up to everyone. It takes walking up to Boyd, your best friend who hired you, and telling him that you're not good enough. That you failed. That you let him down. Boyd gets in the drivers seat. "You good?" he asks. "Big time," you lie. Go to [[page 10]]

Anger builds inside of you. You've had enough. You open your mouth, ready to bite back but nothing comes out. You don't have a plan. The voice is right...wanting to try harder isn't enough. You finish making sandwiches and get in the truck. Go to [[page 10]]

You finish making sandwiches and get into the truck. You’re being driven to the block. The place where you plant trees. You hate the block. You hate tree planting. But you like the drive. You get to play music. Pretend that everything is normal. “Play something” someone in the back of the truck yells To play something fun go [[page 11]] To play something sad go to [[page 12]] To play something calm go to [[page 13]]

This feels great. It almost makes you excited to be here. Almost. It's like you're in a montage, but you know what's at the end of the montage. The music feels more and more forced as the drive continues. Your friend Boyd is driving. He’s also your crew boss. He asked you to come out and plant for him. You reluctantly said yes. You feel bad that you’re so awful. That you’re letting him down. That you don’t want to be here. You count kilometer markers as they count down towards the block. Go to [[page 14]]

You let the sad soundwaves wash over you for the rest of the drive. Your friend Boyd is driving. He’s also your crew boss. He asked you to come out and plant for him. You reluctantly said yes. You feel bad that you’re so awful. That you’re letting him down. That you don’t want to be here. You count kilometer markers as they count down towards the block. Go to [[page 14]]

You play something calm. Your friend Boyd is driving. He’s also your crew boss. He asked you to come out and plant for him. You reluctantly said yes. You feel bad that you’re so awful. That you’re letting him down. That you don’t want to be here. You count kilometer markers as they count down towards the block. Go to [[page 14]]

You pull up to your piece. The chunk of land that you’ll be planting today. Boyd drops a bunch of tree boxes. “You good?” he asks “Big time.” you lie You bag up, filling your planting bags with trees and head into the land. To think about the past, go to [[page 15]] To think about the present, go to [[page 16]] To think about the future, go to [[page 17]]

You think about 3 months ago. Boyd was calling you to try and convince you to join his crew. You lied and told him you were waiting to hear back for a master’s program. You already heard back. You didn’t get in. Why did you think you were so above this? Or maybe you knew that you couldn't do it. Didn’t want to embarrass yourself. Self-preservation and all. You were ready to do nothing all summer. Waste away in your parents basement, wait for something good to come along. Then the phone rang. It's Boyd again. You almost ignored it too. You pick it up. Boyd’s upset. Him and his girlfriend of 4 years broke up. He’s in rough shape. He asks if you’ll come planting. This sucks. How do you tell him that you can’t? What excuse can you possibly make to get out of this and stay friends? You’ll just have to tell him that you can’t that you – Yes. The word ejects from your mouth like a cannonball being fired into a ship. And that was it. That’s how you started sinking. And now you want to leave, even though your friend is still hurt, even though you haven’t made any money, even though – You hear the trucks’ horns honking. The day is over. Go to [[page 1]]

You hate this, you’d rather be doing anything else right now. You hope that a bear comes out of the woods and eats you. Or you break a bone tripping over a log. Or any excuse really. You’d take anything to have a legit reason to leave with your dignity intact. You think: it’d be cool if my dad died. You stop planting. Did you really just think that?? The thought stains your mind. It’s a blotch of ink that continues to spread. You cry. You’re an awful person. Fuck you. Go to [[page 1]].

How long is this going to go on for? This is such bullshit. You don't have to be here, you don't have to do this. You start imagining different quitting scenarios, play out conversations, and arguements. You imagine screaming at Boyd, saying that he hasn't been there for you while you've been struggling. You imagine writing a note, leaving it taped to your shovel and walking out of the block. A logging truck passes you, it stops and asks if you need a ride. You say: "Big time." You imagine luaghing with the logger as you both make fun of planters, you vent about how toxic the camp was, how everyone sucked, how -- The trucks' horns honk. The day is over. Go to [[page 1]]

You’re not supposed to be here. This isn’t an option for you... You thought you could break the cycle by flipping through the pages, but this isn’t a straightforward narrative. I’ll throw you a bone, since you’re here. Let me paint you a picture: Here’s a drawing of a bear. He’s well-fed, healthy and loved -- but he's caught in a trap. He’s surrounded by tools to get out of the trap but he does nothing. Even though he’s unhappy, even though he knows it’s not good for him. He sits and hopes for someone to rescue him. Beat it. Go to the next page. Go to [[page 5.]]

“Today’s the day” The words echo through your mind “No it’s not” The echo stops. A voice cuts through it sharply. What? Fuck you, you heard me. What’s the plan? The voice in the back of your head grows louder. You wish you were back in your tent with the warm glow. Your bubble. A safe place. “I’m just going to try harder” The words are so quiet they’re barely heard in your own mind. “Prove it” To stand up to the voice turn to [[page 9.]] To runaway from the voice go to [[page 10]]

“Shut up.” With a flash of lightning the words thunder through your head. “What did you say?” The voice, once so loud is struggling to be heard over the deafening storm. “That’s my plan, you shut up and I’m gonna plant.” To get in the truck, go to [[page 10]] To start the plan, go to [[page 18]]

You get in the truck. Someone says “Play something” You don’t hear them, there’s a storm inside your head Go to [[page 19]]

You get to the block, bag up and get into your piece. You run out of trees and head back for more. To bag up again, go to [[page 20]] To take a break, got to [[page 21]]

You plant like your life depends on it. 5 hours later you’re at 1500. That’s the most you’ve planted all season. To bag up again, go to [[page 22]] To take a break go to [[page 21]]

You bag up again but don't immediately go back into the land. You've been working hard, you deserve a break. You sit there for five minutes, then ten minutes, then fifteen... It's harder for you to get back into the land and when you finally do, you're not moving nearly as fast. You've lost your motivation. The plan fails. To try the plan again, go to [[page 18]] To give up, go to [[page 1]]

You’re slowing down, you have never worked so hard in your life, you’re tired but it feels good, why does it feel good? This is brutal. You trip and you fall, your pants rip across the shin. To get back up and keep going go to [[page 23]] To stay down a little longer go to [[page 24]]

Boyd comes up to you while your bagging up “You good?” He asks “Big time.” you say To stay and talk with boyd go to [[page 25]] To go back into the land, go to [[page 26]]

As you lay on the ground, you start laughing. You look back up and see that there's a bear in your piece. It's a grizzly bear. To stay down and hope it doesn't see you, go to [[page 29]] To run out of the piece and head to truck, go to [[page 30]] To keep planting, go to [[page 31]]

You tell Boyd, how you're having an amazing day. How you've hit a new personal best. He say's he's proud of you. You hug Boyd. You go back into the land, but you're a bit slower. You feel good though. Today was a good day. Go to [[page 27]]

You finish another two bag ups, you have no idea what time it is. The sun is setting, there’s a warm glow all around you, or maybe it’s just your imagination. Horns start honking, the day is over. You get back to the truck and it’s just you and Boyd. He says: “Everyone’s back at camp, seemed like you wanted to go a little longer” Go to [[page 27]]

It’s the end of the season. You get back to camp and everyone is celebrating. Someone gives you a beer. They say “nice job.” You just smile. You’re happy. Like you deserve it. You feel like you belong. There’s an award show later. You don’t win any of them, but somehow you feel like you’ve won them all. The night goes on and on and you eventually stumble back to your tent. Go to [[page 28]]

You’re on an airplane, flying home. You look out the window and see the rockies beneath you. You think of a bear, stuck in a trap. To his left is a shovel. The bear pries open the trap. To go home, [[close the book]] To keep going, go to [[book 2]]

You survived you're first season of planting! Congrats. Time to move on with your life.

You decide to go back for another year of planting. Go to [[page 1.]]

You wake up. It’s morning. The sunlight is filtered through the orange fly of your tent. Everything looks warm in this light and for a second you think: I could get used to this. You roll over and see a pile of clothes you haven’t washed in a month. You expect the glow to fade...but it doesn't. You get dressed and start getting ready for the day. THE END To start over, go to [[page 1]]

You stay down and the gizzly bear saunters through your piece. It keeps walking and eventually heads back to the tree line. You get back up but you're freaked out. You've lost you're motivation. The plan fails. To try the plan again, go to [[page 18]] To give up, go to [[page 1]]

You get up and start running. The grizzly sees you and starts running after you. The chase is on. You look over your shoulder to see where the bear is and trip over a stump. You fall. The grizzly eats you. Game Over. To try the plan again, go to [[page 18]] To give up, go to [[page 1]]

You stand up slowly and start planting away from the bear. The grizzly looks up and sees you...but does nothing. The bear continues to walk through your piece and eventually heads back into the tree line. You finish the bag up but you're a bit spooked. You lose your motivation. The plan fails. To try the plan again, go to [[page 18]] To give up, go to [[page 1]]